DAY 29

“But who can discern his errors? Clear thou me from hidden faults” (Psalm 19:12)

Earlier, I shared a personal confession story when I changed things up a bit, stating, “Bless me, Father for I have sinned...My predominant fault is _____.” We are called to discern our faults, examine our conscience and clearly identify our areas of weakness. St. Augustine simply stated, “Know thyself.” It is good that we have worked so hard. Although some modern Christians emphasize a life where we give up the striving and allow God to do everything, Catholics should recognize that it’s not one or the other. It’s both! Papal preacher, Fr. Cantalamessa teaches us, “...the secret for holiness, is thus the balance between...abandonment to the action of the Spirit and active, personal commitment...each aspect complements the other, with God Himself always taking the initiative” (Sober Intoxication of the Spirit, 14). Striking this balance is the goal of this process.

Nonetheless, even though we have made significant spiritual progress through our efforts of self-mastery, there are faults deep within us that remain hidden. Through our own efforts we may never understand them. Fr. Dave Pivonka describes such beautiful wisdom from French poet Leon Bloy that “there are places in our poor hearts which do not yet exist and into which suffering must enter so that they may. Suffering allows us to become more compassionate, understanding and loving. Our hearts of formed through suffering” (Spiritual Freedom, 88).

Now that’s deep! Simply stated, God can work wonders in our hearts in ways that we could never accomplish on our own. There is no amount of chocolate or alcohol that you could ever give up that would transform you into a saint. Although we developed one, there exists no magical checklist of bullet points to work through to transform you into a saint. Your sanctity, freedom and the harmony of your holy desires and actions is God’s initiative. Our job is to abandon ourselves to the sanctifying action of the Spirit and allow the Lord to mold us, form us and shape us. “Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand” (Jeremiah 18:6).

To be meek, yet strong; to be a humble servant, yet a leader; to listen, yet teach; to be merciful, yet just; to die to yourself, yet be fully alive; to be a source of love and joy to your family every day in the midst of a fallen world is unattainable on your own. We can’t give what we don’t have. We remain bankrupt without the Spirit of God guiding and illuminating us. Abandonment, properly understood, includes a full and total gift of self. It requires heroic humility, deep interior faith, unshakable confidence and radical obedience. The irony is that in abandonment, we find perfect fulfillment of our greatest desires. When we lose ourselves, we find new life. When we die to ourselves and become docile to the Holy Spirit’s actions we become free. St. John the Baptist may have said it best, “He must increase, I must decrease” (John 3:30).

Let’s look to a few other individuals who also understood this and lived it well.

On his way to martyrdom St. Ignatius of Antioch proclaimed, “Now I am beginning to become a true disciple...let me join the pure light...My earthly desires (the works of the flesh) have been crucified; there is no desire left in me for the things of this world. The living water (the Spirit) which speaks inside me says, “Come to the Father!”

Saint Therese insisted, “It is abandonment alone which guides me. I have no other compass” (Manuscrits Autobiographiques, 207). As her spirituality matured, St. Therese found that she was no longer driven by her own desires. The two competing compasses of her past had been reduced to one: doing the will of God.

St. John of the Cross began his timeless spiritual classic, “The Dark Night of the Soul”, professing, “One dark night, fired by love’s urgent longings - ah, the sheer grace!” Through the pain, the trials and ultimately the cross, the grace of God leads us to union and freedom. His grace is sufficient. Nothing else even compares to what our hearts experience when united fully to God.

Filled with the Holy Spirit, St. Paul pulls all of this together most perfectly, “Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake, I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as refuse, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him...that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that if possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:8-14).

St. Paul understood the human condition well, knowing exactly what would hold us back. He responded by passionately persuading us toward the truth, professing “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18).

To reach the Promised Land, our hidden faults must undergo the passive purgation of suffering. For St. Ignatius, the earthly desires were eliminated completely. St. Therese’s only compass was abandonment to God’s will. St. John of the Cross called his purgation “the dark night of the soul.” St. Paul “suffered the loss of all things.” These beautiful souls and countless others throughout the ages have passed through the Purgative state to delight in the “sheer grace” of God. They beckon us to join them on this great adventure back to heart of the Father. “If you allow yourself to be still, you will be able to hear and feel his beating heart. Then, as a baby finds comfort on the chest of her mother, so you will find, in the Father’s heart, freedom” (Fr. Dave Pivonka, Spiritual Freedom, 93).